Things I know are childish and I should stop but I do them even though I am an adult.

(Disclaimer: If you a reading this, YAY. It is also nearly 12am and I know how shit this post is. Hopefully I get better. Anyway enjoy.)

I. When someone tells me not to have sex with someone I still have sex with them because I have zero impulse control
II. I’ve never had a proper relationship because relationships are hard, I hate boys 85% of the time and my friends tell me I need one so I kinda refuse to get one to spite them?
III. I’m not a very good friend. I’m flaky, I’m really annoying and I have bolts of energy and terrible downs.
IV. Evenc when I have an important event on, if I get asked to have drinks the night before I’m still going to have drinks.
V. I think I’m a bit of an alcoholic, which shouldn’t count cause that’s pretty adult
VI. I’m massively passive aggressive
VII. When someone asks if I’ve seen a show, movie or heard a song I sometimes just say I have just so they don’t make me watch or worse talk about it
VIII. I USE CAPS LOCK TOO MUCH AND I THINK I should stop really.
IX. I still go running to my dad when someone is mean to me or I have car problems
X. I’m pretty mean to my mother, mostly just to spite her
XI. I also still call her mother because I know she hates it
XII. I’d rather just sleep with a guy than sit down, talk and get to know him
XIII. Honestly anything to do with boys I’m childish with
XIV. I also still call them boys because I don’t think I have ever met a real man
XV. Sometimes when I’m bored I will stir up past drama so I have something to do for 2 weeks
XVI. I have on more than one occasion cried over a cupcake. When there was nothing wrong with the cupcake.
XVII. I also just cry over food a lot
XVIII. I get too invested in tv shows I spend months researching stupid shit about it
XIX. I read too much fanfiction for it to be normal or ironic
XX. I inform people of when I’m pooping and I have sent several snapchats to my mother of my poops

I know heaps of people do these things and it’s not deemed as childish. But trust me when I do them I am being a child or just a big baby. Anyway comment if you do any of these things or give me a number out of 20. (I also consciously decided to use roman numerals and still had to go back through and count, maybe I should make a list on how stupid I am?)

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Lonely and fat

Let me paint a picturing for you.

Fake blonde hair that doesn’t belong on such tan complexion, short and clipped and making the face appear so much rounder. Oh but was that face round to begin with! Freckles marred the skin unsure whether they wanted to fade or stand out. Bushy eyebrows really showcase dark and menacing eyes that look like two small dark wholes on a white canvas, sunken in and disfigured. Black tights with several holes and a giant white men’s t-shirt to hide the rolls when I sit down with no bra on underneath because I’m home and I like to live on the wild side.

Is this the real me? I know it is how I see myself but does everyone see this when they look at me. Am I exaggerating my flaws in the hopes that the small beautiful details of myself go unnoticed.

Is all I am to society just a fat girl?

…is that all I am to myself?

ramblings of someone who can’t write

The most beautiful thing humans can do is story tell. A not exact quote from some very non-obscure actor on a crappy English talk show. I don’t think it was meant to stick with me in the way it did but it has been all I’ve thought about of late.

I know I am not a very good writer, in fact I inspire to be the laziest writer I can be. Story telling has always come naturally to me but putting those words to paper has to be one of the most difficult things I’ve done. I think about my words more, trying to choose the right ones and constantly picking the wrong ones.

Let’s not even get me started on the title. As I’m sure you can see above, I’m not the most creative person. I’m not good at clickbait, I feel like it’s lying or deceiving but picking a title that’s truthful and jumps off the page takes me about 20 minutes. 20 minutes so far and I’ve not come up with anything better than “ramblings of someone who can’t write.”

So tar dare!! Enjoy your day. Enjoy the reading. Enjoy some food.

(I promise I will come up with a better sign off, I swear.)