Lonely and fat

Let me paint a picturing for you.

Fake blonde hair that doesn’t belong on such tan complexion, short and clipped and making the face appear so much rounder. Oh but was that face round to begin with! Freckles marred the skin unsure whether they wanted to fade or stand out. Bushy eyebrows really showcase dark and menacing eyes that look like two small dark wholes on a white canvas, sunken in and disfigured. Black tights with several holes and a giant white men’s t-shirt to hide the rolls when I sit down with no bra on underneath because I’m home and I like to live on the wild side.

Is this the real me? I know it is how I see myself but does everyone see this when they look at me. Am I exaggerating my flaws in the hopes that the small beautiful details of myself go unnoticed.

Is all I am to society just a fat girl?

…is that all I am to myself?


Season One: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I love Buffy, it’s an honest fact and I’m assuming those of you who are reading this are pretty interested in her as well. It’s not just Sarah Michelle Gellar’s portrayal of Buffy that we all know and love, it’s the other characters that grow on us and the experiences and situations they go through. Buffy isn’t just some old fashioned cult classic 90’s TV show, it paved the way for my own generations future kick-ass feminist movies, TV shows, books and real life people.

Watching season 1 was not a choice I took light-heartedly. I knew that my memories and opinions of the show could change with the difference of my now adult self watching compared  to my 5 or 6 year old self watching. I remember it being about monsters,  one extremely hot vampire  and a really strong and beautiful blonde chick. My younger mind couldn’t comprehend the adult subjects but now that I am old it actually reaches out to me in a completely different way.

Let’s be honest here, season one is very campy but it makes fun of its self in a way that movies and TV shows still can’t do well today. In the first episode you see two young 20 somethings (they look 20 but they could be portraying teenagers I can never tell.) The boy is clearly the bad boy type by breaking into his old school and trying to impress this girl with his tough exterior. Now lets insert beautiful blonde girl (Who is not Buffy) in a school girl uniform. If you already knew the premise of the show you could tell either two things were about to happen in this scene. This bad boy type was either going to be a vampire thus killing this young innocent girl or some vampire was going to sneak out and kill them both.

Do you know what ends up happening? This so called innocent girl ends up turning full vamp and sucking the blood right out of this poor guys body. She was the bad guy all along and straight away you’re drawn in. She is clearly evil and you’re left confused as to who you’re meant to trust, It’s not just the biker bad guy type to fear now its the innocent little girl in a school girls uniform.

A perfect parody of the constant blonde damsels in distress’s and the guys always being bad to the bone of our time. It plays with your fears and changes your expectation of what you’re expecting the show to be. Which is great!

It’s a horror genre in its basic form with an added twist of defying the usual stereotypes and tropes of horrors that came before it. It’s a typical horror cult classic of its time with a feminist twist that leaves you sitting in anticipation.

ramblings of someone who can’t write

The most beautiful thing humans can do is story tell. A not exact quote from some very non-obscure actor on a crappy English talk show. I don’t think it was meant to stick with me in the way it did but it has been all I’ve thought about of late.

I know I am not a very good writer, in fact I inspire to be the laziest writer I can be. Story telling has always come naturally to me but putting those words to paper has to be one of the most difficult things I’ve done. I think about my words more, trying to choose the right ones and constantly picking the wrong ones.

Let’s not even get me started on the title. As I’m sure you can see above, I’m not the most creative person. I’m not good at clickbait, I feel like it’s lying or deceiving but picking a title that’s truthful and jumps off the page takes me about 20 minutes. 20 minutes so far and I’ve not come up with anything better than “ramblings of someone who can’t write.”

So tar dare!! Enjoy your day. Enjoy the reading. Enjoy some food.

(I promise I will come up with a better sign off, I swear.)